Damaged Goods
by AmyVS7
Summary: Can a grieving Matt realise he needs his friends now more than ever, after a heart to heart with the young crown prosecutor? Spoilers for 'Confession'


**Law & Order UK fic:**

**Pairing:** Matt/Alesha

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything!

**Spoilers:** LOUK Series 3 episode 4 'Confession' MAJOR SPOILERS!

**Summary:** Can a grieving Matt realise he needs his friends now more than ever, after a heart to heart with the young crown prosecutor?

I wrote this a few days after this episode aired, but i forgot about it until i found it again today so i thought i would upload it. You can treat this fic as a more friendship fic for Matt/Alesha if you like, or romance, it's up to you. I dedicate this fic to my friend **'coffee dazed' **who inspired me to write this, and i will miss our Thursday night chats after the episodes now that Series 3 has finished :( xx

Anyway, enjoy! :D

**Damaged Goods**

"I thought I'd find you here" Alesha said, a knowing smile on her face. She had been walking along the banks of the River Thames for the past ten minutes, trying to locate Matt. She knew he often came to this spot when he was contemplating work or personal matters, and thankfully he was sat exactly where she expected him to be, on a bench looking across the river at the Houses of Parliament.

Matt glanced briefly as he saw her coming towards him; he gave the most fleeting of smiles, before staring down at his hands again.

The trial was over, Nugent had been put away. That had all happened a couple of hours ago; the light in London now completely gone as night time was upon the city. The Houses of Parliament lit up, street lights glaring orange around them, not to mention the quick lights of London traffic in the distance all gave enough light for Alesha to see that Matt had been crying. The dried tear stains visible on his cheeks, bouncing off the light.

"Matt..." Alesha said softly, wanting more than anything to comfort him.

"Did Ronnie send you?" Matt asked, swiftly gazing at Alesha with a small smile.

"No...I ..." but Matt gave her a look, he knew her too well, he could see right through her.

Alesha gave him a defeated look as she sat down next to him "Alright, yes...but that doesn't mean I didn't think to come and find you myself. You've been through a lot Matt, I needed to check you were okay."

Matt laughed, but not in a good way, he sounded bitter "Okay? ... Alesha, I've just watched the man I used to know as a child, stand up in court and get charged with the manslaughter on my best friend! No I'm bloody well _not_ okay!"

"Matt..." Alesha said softly "I'm sorry Matt, please don't get upset."

Matt sniffed, trying, but failing, to hold back his tears "How can I not get upset, Alesha? Pete's dead!" he sounded angry "My best mate...he's gone...leaving Mel...and the kids, the kids he won't ever see grow up. It's not fair, Alesha! It's not fair!" he let the tears fall from his eyes and Alesha hugged him tightly.

It took a good few minutes for Matt to calm down. "I'm sorry, Lesh" Matt said, coming out of her hug, not meeting her gaze, as if embarrassed, he hated showing his emotions, especially in front of Alesha "I don't want your pity."

"Matt..." Alesha tried to object but he butted in.

"I've seen the way the Gov and Ronnie look at me. They think I don't notice it, the quiet whispers in the corridor, the glances" he sighed "They pity me, and I don't need them to."

"They care about you, Matt" Alesha tried to tell him "We all do, we're worried about you."

"You don't need to be, I can handle this on my own."

"You don't have to" Alesha reached over and took his hand "You don't need to be on your own."

Matt moved his hand from Alesha's, rejecting her offer of comfort "But I have to be. None of you lot knew Pete, you can't understand."

Alesha had been expecting Matt to react like this, so she wasn't taking anything to heart. "It's no good bottling everything up Matt, you know that as well as I do. I know you're hurting, and I can't begin to imagine what you're going through, but I want to help you."

"No one can help me" he gazed at Alesha, remembering their brief conversation from earlier "I'm damaged goods, remember?"

"Don't say that Matt, please" Now it was Alesha's turn to feel emotional, she hated hearing Matt talk about himself in this way.

"Why not, it's the truth" Matt sighed, looking out at the river "Y'know I keep wondering what I could have done, if I had known. Could I have stopped it from happening?"

"There is nothing you could have done, Matt" Alesha tried to assure him, managing to compose herself "Sometimes people don't say things, so as not to upset the people around them. Pete cared about you, he didn't want to bring all those memories back for you, Matt."

"I just wish he could have talked to me. I was his best mate." He turned to Alesha, a thought occurring to him "Alesha, can you promise me something?"

"Yeah?"

"All this, it's made me realise something, no one can hide from the past...it'll eat you up inside, like it did to Pete. What I'm trying to say is, Alesha, if there is _ever_ anything troubling you, no matter if it's a serious or a minor problem, or whether it happened in your past or right now, I hope you know you can talk to me about it?" he gazed at her seriously, showing how much he meant this "I wouldn't want to lose another friend because of it."

Alesha nodded "As long as you promise to do the same in return?"

A flicker of a smile illuminated Matt's face as he said cheekily "Even if it's about Eamonn?"

Alesha chuckled and rolled her eyes "You and that bloody goldfish!"

Matt looked at her and couldn't help laughing with her, it suddenly dawning on him that Alesha was right. He needed his friends around him, he needed their help and support, now more than ever. Matt knew he had acted wrongly, he had been way too harsh on Alesha, none of this was her fault after all, she was only trying to make him feel better. "I'm so sorry about earlier, Alesha...I shouldn't have shouted at you."

Alesha gave him a forgiving smile, she watched as Matt made to take hold of her hand in an attempt to make up for pushing her away earlier, but she was quicker as she took hold of his, rubbing her thumb across his hand.

"Please don't push us away, Matt" Alesha commented, saying this as delicately as possible "I know I can't relate to what you're going through, but I'm your friend, if you want to talk, or not want to talk...whatever it may be, I'm here for you."

"Thank you" Matt said genuinely grateful for her support. As Matt was finally getting to grips with his emotions, one last lone teardrop trickled down his cheek, Alesha reached up with her free hand to wipe it away, whilst saying with the utmost devotion "You were there for me..." referring to the time when Matt had been her rock during her whole ordeal with Merrick "Now I'm here for you."

Matt gave her a gratifying smile and hugged her, he didn't say anything, she didn't say anything. After all nothing needed to be said.

"I keep thinking about the kids" Matt said a while later, as they still remained sitting on the bench together, their now joined hands resting on Matt's knee "The poor kids, what they're going through. It breaks my heart that they won't have their dad around, Pete was such a great dad."

"You can help them Matt. You can help keep his memory alive for them, tell them stories about their dad, just be there for them when they need extra support."

"I dunno if i'm up to that job, 'Lesha. I'm not like Pete, I'm not that domesticated."

Alesha gave a small smile "I bet you are deep down." She looked at Matt seriously as he had turned his head to look back out at the river "You'll get through this Matt, I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you'll get there ..."

"In time" Matt finished for her, as he turned to gaze at her again, they smiled at eachother.

"I have faith in you. Be strong, do it for Pete, yeah?" she squeezed his hand momentarily "Would he want to see you like this?"

Matt shook his head, giving a small chuckle "No, he'd tell me to get a grip, pick myself up and carry on, not let it affect me doing my job."

Alesha smiled "That sound familiar?"

Matt smiled too, knowing that that is the kind of thing he himself would say. He gave a shaky sigh and letting out a deep breath "Stiff upper lip yeah?"

Alesha smiled "Stiff upper lip" she rubbed his arm gently.

Matt gazed at her curiously "How is it you always manage to make me feel better, Alesha?"

Alesha blushed "You tell me?"

"I dunno" he looked deeply into Alesha's eyes, searching for something, but he didn't quite know what. "We've been through a lot, you and me, but it's good to know we don't have to suffer alone" he rubbed her hand gently.

Alesha gave the smallest of smiles before she reached across and kissed his cheek. Matt looked back at her, bewildered, but curiously happy.

"Come on" Alesha said, as she stood up, holding her hand out to Matt "Let's get you home."

Matt smiled slightly, standing up and taking Alesha's hand.

And as they walked off together, hand in hand, Alesha said to Matt "So, come on then tell me, what happened to Eamonn the goldfish?"

...

Don't forget to review :) thanks for reading! xx


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